For Parents: How to help a child who hates studying

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Got a stubborn kid at home who plays a little too hard, and studies a little too little? Here are some helpful tips to encourage your child to enjoy studying.

1. Stop motivating your child, conventionally

Sometimes, the more we nag, scold and punish our child, the more they grow to detest the object of our efforts. If someone -- regardless of their age -- does not enjoy an activity, no amount of pushing and threatening will make them genuinely like it. 

To avoid this counterproductive cycle, parents should aim to foster intrinsic motivation within their children. This way, children will be self-driven to put in the hard work as they can appreciate and enjoy the process. 

2. Aim to inspire, not control

Control can be convenient, but it makes it much harder to foster intrinsic motivation later on. By applying pressure or offering an incentive, you might handicap your child into not making their own decisions. 

Instead, try to practice more autonomy and allow your child to initiate their own activity. This includes how they want to study, what they want to study and when they want to study. Create a learning environment not a ‘doing work’ environment, and don’t use ‘no homework’ breaks as a reward.

3. Stay positive

You and your child are on the same team, which is why you have to keep the relationship open, positive and respectful. It’s easy to feel anxious and frustrated when your child is underperforming, but remember that they are not doing this on purpose to make your life miserable.

Instead, you can simply tell yourself that “My child is just not there yet.” Don’t turn their low grades into a moral issue, but lift them up by your compassion and faith in them.

4. Meet your child’s teacher

When it comes to understanding the problem areas in your child’s education, who better to consult than your child’s teacher? You can set up a meeting with their teacher and figure out what your child needs to do or change in order to catch up with their peers.

5. Resolving your child’s anxiety

Sometimes, a lack of academic fervour could arise from anxiety or shame surrounding schoolwork. Anxiety can explain your child acting out or shutting down, when it comes to their studies. 

It is important to recognise when your child’s anxiety is at play, rather than laziness. You may offer help by calmly referring them to patient and reliable tutors or finding a better structure to getting their school work done. 

“Children learn more from what you are than what you teach,” W. E. B Dubois once said. Learning is an essential part of life, and much more so for our children. How we nurture them to learn on their own is important for all future endeavours.